Couples counseling with God

Westborough%20Counseling

In a cozy doctor’s office with plush couches and rich mahogany bookshelves

Holy Spirit:    Thank you for taking the time to meet with us, David.

Me:    Sure, I guess. This is weird.

Holy Spirit:    What do you mean?

Me:    This. I’m in a session with you as counselor – clever, by the way – and Jesus.

Jesus:    The Father is here, too.

Me:    Where?

Jesus:    He who has seen the Son has seen the Father.

Me:    Cute.

Jesus:    I thought you’d appreciate it. It is nonetheless true. The Father cannot yet be looked upon in all his Glory. But he is here.

Me:    Typical.

Holy Spirit:    What is typical, David?

Me:    You. Avoiding me in some way. I mean, that’s what we’re doing here, isn’t it? Having a chat about my issues with you?

Holy Spirit:    If you would like. It’s up to you.

Me:    Right. Up to me. Like anything is actually up to me.

Jesus:    It is. You are free.

Me:    I don’t buy that. If I were free I could do whatever I want without consequences.

Jesus:    Is that freedom? It sounds like enslavement to your desires.

Me:    Semantics. Yes, technically you’re right, but then, there is no such thing as freedom at all; I’m inevitably a slave to something.

Jesus:    There is freedom, but it is not what you suppopse. I suspect you don’t really want to argue philosophy with me.

Me:    *Sigh* No, I know all that crap, but it doesn’t seem to matter to my heart.

Holy Spirit:    Yes, let’s talk about that some – your heart. Tell me what you were going to say about me avoiding you.

Me:    Well that’s the thing, isn’t it? You aren’t there when I need you. You never have been. I desperately needed you when I was a kid, being attacked by demons I made in my mind, crying out for you, and you did jack. I needed you again when I was doing your work in the church, and again you were no where to be found.

Jesus:    I was with you the entire time.

Me:    Don’t give me that. That’s stupid. No, you weren’t.

Jesus:    How do you know?

Me:    The same way I freaking know when anyone is with me – I see them, I hear them, I touch them. Of course. Don’t patronize me.

Jesus:    I’m not. I’m trying to help. This isn’t easy for me, either. I hurt when you hurt.

Me:    Well fat lot of good that does me. I don’t know that. I don’t even know you’re real. If you aren’t around physically or emotionally, how the hell am I supposed to take comfort in any of that?

Jesus:    You know I am real. And I am here for you, just not in ways you readily recognize.

Me:    You’re killing me. Semantics, again.

Jesus:    We have to cut through the surface of the words to get to what lies within you.

Me:    That’s it! That’s what lies within! Abandonment. Betrayal. Lack of clarity. Death by a thousand ambiguities.

Jesus:    I know that is your perception. I understand. It is a legitimate view. It is logical. It is common. But it is not true.

Me:    Well how the hell is that fair? I’m going to suffer for picking up a “legitimate” perception as an innocent kid that happens to not be true? I WAS A CHILD!

Jesus:    There is no blame for you. And I never intended to imply that any of this was fair.

Me:    Gah!!! I blame YOU! This is YOUR universe. YOU made ME and EVERYTHING else, if what I believe is ACTUALLY true! You OWE me! You know how many times I wished I had never been born when the pain hurt too much.

Jesus:    I know that is how you feel, and I accept that. I accept you. I am truly sorry for your pain. I felt it, too. It was terrible.

Me:    So why didn’t you make it stop? You’re God; you could have. Why didn’t you?

Jesus:    I did. It just took longer than you wanted, and for that I am sorry.

Me:    Sorry? What the hell good does that do me? You haven’t “made up” for it. You’ve promised it will all be worth it one day, but I can’t know that for sure. For all I know, I’m wasting the only life I have and the limited time I have living under some crackpot moralistic ideal when I should be grabbing what fleeting joy I can wherever I can find it, your so-called morals be damned.

Jesus:    It is a risk. Much must be risked in love. Deep within you, though, you know I resonate and am with you. Through all things. Your pain is not in vain. All will be made right for you. I promise.

Me:    I wish I could trust you; I mean, really trust you. I don’t see much reason to. Words in a book and altered 2,000 year-old human tradition.

Jesus:    And me. You have me. Inside you.

Me:    Great. More promises stemming from that book and a way to perceive internal emotional experiences. You’re God – that’s the best you can do?

Jesus:    You’ve also seen the work of my Spirit, around you and within you. Miracles happen. Are you asking me to give you the Job treatment?

Me:    NO. Though appearing in a massive storm would be pretty cool. And that Spirit stuff…it’s just more perception.

Jesus:    Yes. Though this happens to be true to reality.

Me:    Says you. Circular argument.

Jesus:    So you perceive.

Me:    No, that’s a logical fallacy.

Jesus:    From your presently-limited view of what you call logic, yes.

Me:    That’s all I have to go on.

Jesus:    That, and trust. And love. Faith and hope, too; those are always helpful. You don’t have to believe me.

Me:    But I do, dammit. Most of the time, at least. I think I’m done, Spirit.

Holy Spirit:    We’re on your time. We stop when you want.

Me:    I’m sick of my inner self right now.

Jesus:    I do love you. I’m proud of you. We will get through this. I promise it will be worth it.

Me:    I wish I had your confidence. I guess the omnipotent thing helps. Thanks for not striking me dead.

Jesus:    The Father has always let people speak freely. Your namesake is a dear friend who had his share of accusations.

Me:    Yeah, yeah, yeah. We share more than that. Stupid name.

Jesus:    I like it. And you.

Me:    *Sigh* I get it, you love me, I’m your favorite, blah, blah, blah. Show me, don’t tell me.

Jesus:    I have. I am. I will.

Me:    Not clearly enough. You made me this way. If there’s some deficiency in my interpretive apparatuses, then fix it.

Jesus:    I am. It’s a process.

Me:    It isn’t a process for everyone. Why can’t it be instantaneous? What good is being all-powerful if you don’t use it?

Jesus:    Sometimes I do. Sometimes it isn’t in your best interest. It’s something you’ll have to trust me on for now.

Me:    Cop out. Alright, I’m done. That’s all I can take.

Holy Spirit:    I think you’ve done very well, David. I hope we talk again. While we are always with you, I do enjoy when we truly pay attention to each other.

Me:    Yeah, I know, I know. Peace.

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